13
The big soldier hissed at him to shut up, but he could not stop giggling and remembering the hot afternoon, and poor Billy Boy, and how they’d been drinking Coca-Cola from bright-red aluminum cans, and how they’d started on the day’s march, and how a little while later poor Billy Boy stepped on the mine, and how it made a tiny little sound—poof—and how Billy Boy stood there with his mouth wide open, looking down at where his foot had been blown off, and how finally Billy Boy sat down very casually, not saying a word, with his foot lying behind him, most of it still in the boot.
He giggled louder—he could not stop. He bit his arm, trying to stifle it, but remembering: “War’s over, Billy,” the men had said in consolation, but Billy Boy got scared and started crying and said he was about to die. “Nonsense,” the medic said, Doc Peret, but Billy Boy kept bawling, tightening up, his face going pale and transparent and his veins popping out. Scared stiff. Even when Doc Peret stuck him with morphine, Billy Boy kept crying.
“Shut up!” the big soldier hissed, but Private First Class Paul Berlin could not stop. Giggling and remembering, he covered his mouth. His eyes stung, remembering how it was when Billy Boy died of fright.
14
“Shut up!”
But he could not stop giggling, the same way Billy Boy could not stop bawling that afternoon.
Afterward Doc Peret had explained: “You see, Billy Boy really died of a heart attack. He was scared he was gonna die—so scared he had himself a heart attack—and that’s what really killed him. I seen it before.”
So they wrapped Billy in a plastic poncho, his eyes still wide open and scared stiff, and they carried him over the meadow to a rice paddy, and then when the Medevac helicopter arrived, they carried him through the paddy and put him aboard, and the mortar rounds were falling everywhere, and the helicopter pulled up, and Billy Boy came tumbling out, falling slowly and then faster, and the paddy water sprayed up as if Billy Boy had just executed a long and dangerous dive, as if trying to escape Graves Registration, where he would be tagged and sent home under a flag, dead of a heart attack.
“Shut up!” the soldier hissed, but Paul Berlin could not stop giggling, remembering: scared to death.
15
Later they waded in after him, probing for Billy Boy with their rifle butts, elegantly and del icately probing for Billy Boy in the stinking paddy, singing—some of them—Where have you gone, Billy Boy, Billy Boy, oh, where have you gone, charming Billy? Then they found him. Green and covered with algae, his eyes still wide open and scared stiff, dead of a heart attack suffered while———
“Shut up!” the soldier said loudly, shaking him.
But Private First Class Paul Berlin could not stop. The giggles were caught in his throat, drowning him in his own laughter: scared to death like Billy Boy.
Giggling, lying on his back, he saw the moon move, or the clouds moving across the moon. Wounded in action, dead of fright. A fine war story. He would tell it to his father, how Billy Boy had been scared to death, never letting on . . . He could not stop.
The soldier smothered him. He tried to fight back, but he was weak from the giggles.
16
The moon was under the clouds and the column was moving. The soldier helped him up. “You OK now, buddy?”
“Sure.”
“What was so bloody funny?”
“Nothing.”
“You can get killed, laughing that way.”
“I know. I know that.”
“You got to stay calm, buddy.” The soldier handed him his rifle. “Half the battle, just staying calm. You’ll get better at it,” he said. “Come on, now.”
He turned away and Private First Class Paul Berlin hurried after him. He was still shivering. He would do better once he reached the sea, he thought, still smiling a little. A funny war story that he would tell to his father, how Billy Boy Watkins was scared to death. A good joke. But even when he smelled salt and heard the sea, he could not stop being afraid.
Making Meanings
Where Have You Gone, Charming Billy?
First Thoughts
1. What was your reaction to Paul’s uncontrolled giggling at the story’s end?
Shaping Interpretations
2. On page 5 of the story the writer quotes a bit of the children’s song that gives the story its title. (If you don’t know the rest of this song, see if you can find someone who does.) What is ironic about the author’s use of this particular song in a war story?
3. There is a central irony in warfare, which has to do with the fact that soldiers kill people they do not even know. What is ironic about how Billy Boy dies? about how his body is removed?
4. What do you think Paul has discovered about war and about himself on his first day of combat? What theme, or central idea, relating to war have you become aware of by sharing Paul’s experiences?
5. In a sense, this is a story about a hero’s journey, which often takes the form of a quest—a search for something of great value. What is it that Paul expects to find at the sea, the end point of his journey? Ironically, what does he find instead?
6. In what ways is Paul an exile and an outsider? What do you imagine Paul will be like a year after this story ends?
Connecting with the Text
7. How do you feel about the way this writer has treated the subject of war?
8. Look back at the poem written by a nurse in Vietnam (see Connections). How does it affect your understanding of O’Brien’s story and of the Vietnam War?
Extending the Text
9. Think about the story’s historical context. How does Paul’s story resemble other war stories you have read or war movies you have seen? How is it different?